


Forgetting How To Breathe

by treesus



Category: Waterparks (Band)
Genre: M/M, alternate universe-no band, car crash, only notes and tags are in lowercase i promise, otto is sad, sorry about typos, they’re all p sad actually
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-20
Updated: 2018-04-23
Packaged: 2019-04-25 05:58:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,633
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14372391
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/treesus/pseuds/treesus
Summary: He knew it was his own fault. It really was.He was the one who was messing around. He was the one who was distracting Geoff and making him laugh.He knew it was his fault.There wasn’t much to it.





	1. Flatline

**Author's Note:**

> the beginning of something (terrible)

He remembers Geoff’s laugh.

He doesn’t remember much of when it happened, only afterwards.

But that’s what he remembers.

He was in the passenger seat. Otto was in the back. Geoff was driving.

He knew it was his own fault. It really was.

 _He_ was the one who was messing around. _He_ was the one who was distracting Geoff and making him laugh.

He knew it was his fault.

There wasn’t much to it.

Awsten was dancing in a funny way to whatever was playing on the radio. Otto was singing along. And Geoff was laughing.

Then he looked over at that smile, and thought how lucky he was to even know him.

And that was it.

There were headlights in the windshield, and their car swerved.

It was over.

He woke up in a hospital bed, god knows how long later.

He felt no pain.

Nothing.

A droning sound was cutting through the haziness of his mind.

A sound that gave him an uneasy feeling like something bad had happened, but he didn’t know what it was yet.

Then he opened his eyes.

There was Geoff, crying with his head in his hands beside Awsten’s bed. A nurse was beside him, laying a hand on his shoulder.

Geoff looked up.

And there was the pain.

Awsten felt it in his chest, down to his very core.

The tear tracks running down Geoff’s face, the redness of his eyes. That was the first time Awsten had ever seen him like that. Helpless and harrowed, sobs racking his frame.

The nurse was saying something, but Geoff clearly wasn’t listening. Awsten watched his wet face.

“It’s not fair...” He heard Geoff say. The nurse said something back.

“It’s not fair!” He then yelled. Awsten flinched, as did the nurse.

“Geoff...” Awsten managed to say. Geoff didn’t seem to hear him. What was wrong? Shouldn’t Geoff be happy he was awake?

“It’s not fucking fair!” He yelled again, this time standing up and shoving the nurse’s hand off his shoulder. The nurse stepped back, and said something in a calming tone.

“It was my fault!” Geoff yelled, his hands now clenched into fists by his sides.

“Geoff, I’m awake, it’s okay. See?” Awsten said, sitting up in the bed. He was glad to find it didn’t hurt to move.

“Sir, I’m going to have to ask you to calm down-“ The nurse said futilely, but Geoff cut her off, turning around to face her.

“It shouldn’t have been him!” His voice boomed. Awsten was taken aback. This wasn’t the quiet, soft spoken Geoff he knew. This was someone different.

“Geoff,” Awsten said, moving so his feet were touching the floor. “Please look at me. I’m okay.”

“It should’ve been me!” He screamed at her, aggressively pointing a finger at himself.

“Geoff, please stop. You’re scaring me...” Awsten pleaded. Geoff ignored him.

“ _It should’ve been me!_ ” He repeated instead. That was enough.

In one quick movement, Awsten stepped forward and wrapped his arms around Geoff’s torso from behind. He pressed his face into Geoff’s back and held on tight, squeezing his eyes shut. He felt Geoff flinch, and the yelling stopped.

They stood there for what could’ve been hours or seconds, before Awsten felt Geoff slowly fold into himself. Awsten didn’t let go.

“It should’ve...been me...” Geoff said once more as they hit the ground.

It was only then that Awsten realized the droning noise was the sound of a heart monitor flatlining.

-

Awsten ended up following Geoff around the hospital for a while. He tried to talk to him a few times, but eventually gave up when Geoff wouldn’t reply. Awsten was annoyed and a little mad, but accepted it.

Otto had a fractured arm and a few tiny scratches, but was otherwise fine. Geoff only had the scratches.

Awsten watched them talk quietly, knowing they’d include him in on the conversation if they wanted to. They didn’t.

The three of them left the hospital later that day, after Awsten watched the other two sign copious amounts of paperwork.

Their car was obviously totalled, so they got a taxi.

Awsten squeezed into the middle, between Otto and Geoff. He felt each of them shiver on either side of him, but he didn’t say anything about it, and neither did they.

He wasn’t as scared as he thought he’d be to be in a car again so soon after the accident. He expected to be nervous or apprehensive to even get in, but he didn’t feel anything different.

Eventually, they were at the house the three of them shared.

Otto wordlessly went to his room and closed the door as soon as they entered. Geoff stayed on the couch. Awsten wasn’t sure what he should do, but decided to stay on the couch with Geoff. They sat in silence.

Awsten was about to ask if he wanted to watch TV, when Geoff burst into tears.

They started slow, but quickly picked up until he was full on sobbing beside Awsten.

He wasn’t sure why Geoff was crying so much. All three of them had minimal injuries, despite the circumstances. Awsten wondered if it was trauma.

Geoff continued crying, his breath now coming in quick hiccups. There was snot under his nose, and his eyes were already red and puffy. This was so much worse than when he was crying in the hospital.

That had been quieter and more controlled. This was more helpless, almost chaotic sobbing.

Awsten just sat there, not knowing what to do.

“Geoff...” He said sadly. There was no reply. Instead, Geoff buried his face in his hands.

Awsten reached out a hand to touch his shoulder, but was avoided when Geoff curled into a ball. Awsten dropped his hand with a sad look.

The pain came back as he watched Geoff cry.

You never really know heartbreak until you watch your best friend break down and you’re not able to help.


	2. Sent Away (I Didn’t Want To Go)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Geoff and Otto aren’t mad at Awsten.
> 
> Awsten doesn’t know that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapters will probs be kinda short, sorry! kinda for the aesthetic, kinda because I’m lazy.

The next few days passed by painfully slowly.

Awsten couldn’t sleep, no matter how hard he tried. He thought it was because he usually slept in Geoff’s bed with him and now he was sleeping alone, but he just couldn’t sleep. It wasn’t as if he was tired but couldn’t sleep, he just felt well rested and awake all the time. For days.

None of them really talked to each other. The occasional dull, forced passing statement would be exchanged between Otto and Geoff, by that was about it.

Their house was quiet. It was strange.

Usually one of them would be playing some sort of instrument, playing music, or just watching TV. No one was doing anything. They hardly ate. Didn’t go outside.

Awsten hardly saw Geoff or Otto anymore. When he did see Geoff, the dark bags under his eyes only grew more prominent each time.

And then there was a day like today, where Awsten was just so overwhelmingly lonely that he sat on the couch in hopes of seeing either Otto or Geoff pass by. Lucky enough, Geoff left his room to go to the bathroom.

He walked by without even a glance in Awsten’s direction. Awsten watched him enter and exit the bathroom.

“Geoff.” He said suddenly. Geoff flinched, and froze. Awsten saw him stand deathly still for a moment, before turning around slowly and staring straight at Awsten.

Only, he wasn’t really looking at him. It was like he was looking at whatever was behind him, looking through him. Awsten didn’t like it, and involuntarily shivered.

And then, as if nothing had happened, Geoff turned around and disappeared into his room once again.

-

“Otto, I-it’s-uh...”

“Spit it out.” Otto said, grabbing the carton of milk from the fridge. Awsten watched them silently from the couch. It was rare that any of them talked, so he didn’t want to ruin it.

“I feel like he’s still here. Around. Watching.” Geoff replied, looking up at Otto. He saw him freeze, hand hovering above the bowl, still holding the milk.

“I feel like-“

Otto slammed his empty hand on the counter, causing the walls to vibrate and cutting Geoff off.

“He’s not still here.” Otto said coldly, still facing the cabinets. Geoff gulped.

“But yesterday and in the hospital-“

“He’s gone!” Otto yelled, slamming the milk carton on the table. A few drops splashed out and landed on the counter.

“I heard him and felt him, like he was-“

“He’s gone, Geoff!” Otto yelled again, turning around to face Geoff. He looked angry, but on the brink of tears. Geoff would be lying if he said he wasn’t a little scared.

“He was my fucking friend too! I loved him like a brother! I lost him too. I know you’re sad about it but he’s fucking gone. You have to get over it, because he’s-“ Otto’s voice cracked, and a tear slipped down his cheek. “Awsten’s gone.”

Geoff stayed silent, afraid of saying anything. They were staring at each other, Otto with an angry expression, and Geoff with a surprised and hurt one.

Then Otto broke his gaze to wipe the tear with his sleeve.

“Otto...” Geoff said sympathetically, but Otto was already pushing past him and rushing over to his own bedroom. He slammed the door shut.

Awsten stayed sitting on the couch, staring at Geoff. His mind was racing over what had just been said.

Gone? What did he mean by that? He was sitting right here, on the couch. He had been right there in the hospital with them.

And why didn’t Geoff correct him? Why was he saying all those things about ‘like he was here’?

He looked over to see Geoff walking back to his room. His head was ducked down slightly, almost in shame. Awsten watched him close the door quietly.

_Gone?_


End file.
